Thanks to a certain "evil" Overlord
, I am currently on my way back to Scotland in the back of some Muggle's truck. We've stopped to get some food, but it's raining and I'm soaked. I'm going to try to get the Knight Bus to pick me up, but I don't have high hopes.
Summer session or no, I am going to have my vacation, dammit. With that in mind, I have been rooting around in my copy of Hogwarts bylaws and regulations and I have pulled some of the older entries that I thought would be appropriate. At least, I think they're appropriate. They're kind of hard to understand.
Here are some highlights:
1. There will be noe spitting in front of the fairer sex. (In fact, no spitting at all. Filthy, disgusting habit.)
2. Noe one shall wear trousers inn the Greate Hall. (I should think this is fairly obvious.)
3. It shalle be agaienst the law to be drunke and in possession of a bovine. (I'm not sure what a bovine is, but there had better not be one inside the castle. Or sodding drunks - without written permission, of course. The forms are available in my office.)
4. Any persone found breaking a boiled egg by the sharp end shall be sentenced to twenty-foure hours suspended from an appropreate beam or timbere. (Also obvious, I should think.)
5. Armour shalle not be worne inside a church on Wednesdays. (Just leave all the armour alone. It's got enough problems of its own without snot-faced kids sliding around inside 'em.)
6. All students are requered to bowe their heads when passing a portraet in the hall. (And you could damn well do the same with faculty and staff!)
7. Written permession is requird for students to washe a mule in the foyer. (Good luck getting it, too! Keep your mules outside!)
8. Womin may not fly a broomsticke without wearing a bright yellowe bowler hatt. Theye may also not exceed 15mph. (Makes sense to me.)
9. It is against regulations for unfinished pie to be removed from the Great Hall. (Just eat it, for God's sake!)
10. Students of defferent Houses must weare their House creste on their clothing. The creste must be larger than a ferret. (While you're at it, might as well sew your name above your crest. I've talked some of the portraits and a few of the ghosts into patrolling for me - their eyesight ain't the best.)
The rest will be posted in each House common room and in the Great Hall. I'll be available for questions, but I will be on vacation for the next two weeks, like I'd planned. Follow the rules like they was your mother's own. I'm going to have a drink.